I’m a postpartum doula on Long Island. The first response I get when I tell someone this is, “What is a postpartum doula? What do you do?” The answer is quite simple and the service is a life-saver for many.
Mothering The Mother
My job is to help Long Island postpartum moms who have recently birthed or adopted a baby. I help them cope, adjust, heal, and feel confident in their parenting. How do I do this? Well, I provide a myriad of services that combine into a practice of care and support.
The first tenant of being a postpartum doula is to “Mother the Mother.” Us doulas believe that every mama deserves to be nurtured with compassion; so, our role is to give motherly love and support. We don’t replace any client’s mom or other family member. In fact, we often work hand-in-hand with our clients’ family members to give as much help as possible.
What Services Postpartum Doulas Provide
The types of services a postpartum doula does will depend on the doula. I provide full spectrum care to moms, which includes the following:
1. Emotional and physical support for mom
2. Postpartum care – help with healing and perineum care, c-section support, rest, and sleep
3. Infant care – educate the whole family on baby care best practices, help with bathing, sleep, feeding, and more
4. Feeding education – breast and formula
5. Nutrition – guidance for healing and lactation, meal and snack preparation
6. Household chores – light tasks such as washing dishes, doing laundry for the whole family, kitchen cleanup, and organizing the baby’s room
7. Family support – help partners and older children adjust to new family dynamic
8. Mental health – I’m trained to educate and identify perinatal mood and anxiety disorders such as postpartum depression and anxiety
9. Overnight care – I’ll take care of your baby’s needs throughout the night including diaper changes, bringing baby to you for breastfeeding, bottle feeding, and comforting baby so you can get a good night’s sleep
I do all this and even more!
What Postpartum Doulas Don’t Do
Postpartum doulas are not medical health providers. While we can provide evidence-based information on care, we aren’t doctors and cannot answer medical questions. When appropriate, we will refer clients to their pediatricians.
Sometimes people assume we are just like babysitters. However, our job is to put the mom first, not baby. Postpartum doulas will often watch over the baby so that mom can get some rest. But, we don’t completely take over care for extended periods of time unless we are providing overnight care. More importantly we are highly trained professionals that receive certification credentials.
We also typically do not do heavy cleaning like vacuuming, washing the floors, cleaning the bathroom, etc.
Are you a Long Island mom looking for support? Contact me or learn more about postpartum care here.
Isolation can be a real trigger for depression, especially since so many of us are now practicing social distancing and self quarantine because of COVID-19 (coronavirus). Pregnant and new moms, in particular, can be at-risk of prenatal and postpartum mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs). Just because we’re stuck home, doesn’t mean we have to do it all alone!
While things will return to normal eventually, here are five things you can do today to help prevent isolation depression and anxiety.
1. Virtual Support
Many birth workers and care providers are adapting to the current situation by providing virtual support via web chat. There are apps that provide chat and over-the-phone access to therapists. You can look for a pregnancy or postpartum support group online, like this one from The Nesting Place.
Birth and postpartum doulas are also offering online care. I’m still able to chat with clients, show them newborn care basics, help with lactation, and provide emotional support and encouragement. If you’re interested in getting a postpartum doula virtually, contact me.
You can also talk to friends and family members via Skype, Facetime, Facebook chat, or on the phone to avoid feeling alone.
2. Get Some Fresh Air
If you’re able, sit outside in your backyard or balcony for a while. Get some fresh air and Vitamin D. Just getting outside, without running into other people, can be so refreshing and uplifting. If you live in an apartment and can’t leave, but the weather isn’t too chilly, try opening the windows for a little while. Let in the sunshine. Take in its warmth for a moment. Nature can offer some relief.
Get those endorphins pumping! If you’re pregnant or in postpartum and cleared for gentle exercise, stream some prenatal workouts on YouTube. Prenatal yoga and meditation can be calming. You don’t have to exercise all day, but even twenty minutes can make a big difference in how we feel. If you’re new to yoga, check out this YouTube workout for beginners.
Reading is a total immersive experience that’s good for your brain! Stories can transport you out of your current environment. According to a study by Emory University, reading activates neurons in the brain that create a sensation of not just reading about the action of the book, but experiencing the sensations it is describing. You are figuratively and biologically put in the shoes of another. This is called grounded cognition.
Reading can also help to calm the mind and help it focus if you’re feeling anxious.
5. Find and List Resources
Sometimes just being prepared helps us feel more calm and in control. Do some research on local and other online resources you may want to use during this time like restaurants that are still doing delivery, your care providers’ emergency numbers and assistance programs in your area. You don’t have to use any of these if you don’t need to, but having a list of people to call may help you feel more connected. Many of us are isolated at this moment. It’s important to remember that there are networks of people in every community that are still out there to help you.
Sending you love through this difficult time!
Guest post by Melissa J.
I’m a new mom and all I want this holiday season is a break. When I had my son 5 weeks ago, I didn’t get a postpartum doula because I thought between my husband and my mom I would have almost too much help. I was wrong. Recovering from childbirth has been rougher than I thought it would be and now I’m asking my friends and family to skip giving me gifts that will, I’ll admit, sit in my house for months before I find a place for them, and contribute toward postpartum care. It’s the best gift new parents can receive. Here’s why.
We’re Exhausted and Need Help
If there’s one thing we’ve learned in the past 5 weeks, it’s that there’s nothing wrong to ask for help. My husband and I take shifts taking care of our son through the night. We each get around 4-5 hours sleep if we’re lucky. He’s had to go back to work so I take care of our baby the rest of the day. This means I’m the primary caregiver for at least 18 hours straight most days. I love my son, but I’m so damn tired.
When I try to sleep while he naps, my mind just races with anxious thoughts. I can’t sleep without knowing someone else is watching him. It will be such a relief to know that my postpartum doula, a trained professional in mama and baby care, can take care of him and I can take a nap for once.
Postpartum doulas also help with the chores I don’t have the energy to do, like laundry and grocery shopping. Also, they don’t just come during the day. Many do overnights, as well! My husband and I are seriously considering this. I’m breastfeeding, so I will still have to wake up to feed him, but the doula will take care of everything else. I’ll be free to dream of a time not long ago when I didn’t need hemorrhoid cream and Dermoplast to sit down comfortably.
The doula will even make us a simple, healthy breakfast in the morning and watch my son so I can actually sit and enjoy a cup of coffee! New moms – when was the last time you got to do that?!
Our family is giving us money toward a postpartum doula this holiday season and it’s the best gift for new parents like us. We’re so thankful.
Modern Moms is now offering e-gift cards toward postpartum doula care and Informed & Mindful childbirth education! Ask your friends and family to give you something you really need this holiday season – support, empowerment and knowledge.
Healing During Postpartum? It’s Not Always That Easy
The moment you’ve been waiting for has come and gone. Baby is here! You did it! Whether you went natural, had medical interventions or surgical birth (c-section), you delivered your sweet little one. Now it’s time to go home. Your care provider gives you “The Postpartum Speech” before you leave the hospital. Do this, not that. Don’t push yourself to do too much. If you do, your bleeding will come back or get worse. Take it easy. But here’s the catch – you have a new, tiny human being that depends on you or you and your partner 24/7.
Diapers need to be changed. Dishes washed. Laundry cleaned. When I brought my daughter home, I felt like the medical advice I was given was impossible to follow. Something constantly needed to be done. Take it easy? How? Please someone tell me.
I came home with a third degree tear (Yup. You read that right). Moving was so painful. Sitting was unbearable. Getting up, walking and standing were the worst. Whether you tore like me, didn’t tear at all, or had a c-section, birth is exhausting and recovery can be rough. All I wanted to do was lie perfectly still in bed with an ice diaper and a heating pad on my back and sleep for seven days straight. Alas, this wasn’t an option.
My Privilege & My Mistake
The most eye-opening part of this experience was that I had help. So many other moms don’t have others to rely on after bringing baby home. I had my husband and my mom even stayed with us for the first two weeks. With all this support, I didn’t think I would need a postpartum doula. I thought, “Of course I’ll be able to get rest. There will be three of us to take care of the baby. Why would I need anymore help?” The three of us took turns sleeping, bottle feeding, rocking baby and washing dishes. And yet I was on my feet way more than I should have been.
My body had been through something extreme. Researchers liken birth to completing a marathon or climbing Mount Everest. We were all taking care of the baby. There wasn’t much time to take care of me, too, though my family tried their best.
Learning to Balance
While getting rest to the extent I needed to heal more quickly was not going to happen, I realized not getting a postpartum doula was a mistake and that this process was going to take a lot more time. My bleeding would come back, I’d stay in bed for day. Bleed, rest, repeat. Bleed, rest, repeat. I had to learn my new limits for those first six weeks.
I needed to heal and take care of myself; I needed to take care of my baby. Those two things were in constant conflict of each other. I suppose this is one of the earliest lessons in motherhood – the need for balance. I’m still learning.
Sending love to all you mamas!